glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
