are you so shy because you have an std?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
