so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I will die if light touches me.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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