thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
