You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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