The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
