It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
