hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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