Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
