Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
