I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I lost the right to judge tonight
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
