you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
