He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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