Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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