He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
