Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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