So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
