So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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