The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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