Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
