One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
