Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
