Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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