the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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