It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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