i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
