I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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