i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
