I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize