he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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