I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
