First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
