i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
