I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
