Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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