went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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