there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
