dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
