Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
