Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
