She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
