I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
