I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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