You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
