As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
