omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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