no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
