dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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