Soap is not a condiment
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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