OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
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