I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
