um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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