Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
