apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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