i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Can I color on your dick again?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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