Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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