So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
