I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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