Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
