Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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