I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Randomize
