He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
