I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize