Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize