He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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