so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
All I want is dick and wine.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
