so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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