you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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